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Since last term, there’s been quite a build up to the S-E-X Education lessons for Year 4.  I’ve tried to explain a few things to Miniminx, but she’s tended to cover her ears and gawp in horror for most of it.

From the beginning of this term there’s been a change of attitude, Miniminx has been determined to be ‘cool’ about Sextucation, even though she hasn’t quite been able to separate the words yet as a way of avoiding saying the S word. In fact, cool has become emboldened into curiosity and she’s got a bit too bolshy for my liking, saying it’s time she started watching Sex and the City so she can learn about ‘it’! (Samantha’s antics are just too graphic – it’s non negotiable, it’s banned).

So Lesson 1 in Sexducation has been a source of much amusement in our household this week.  I know, I know, sex shouldn’t be a laughing matter but if you put 30 eight your olds in a class room and give them pictures of a naked male and female and ask them to label parts of the body, it’s going to be a recipe for hilarity.

I thought it best to wait until Miniminx decided she wanted to talk about it, but frankly, she couldn’t stop, she was holding back the laughter from the moment I picked her up from school. Having done the usual afterschool routine (in no particular order) homework, telly, dinner, bath and bed, it was time for story reading, but I could tell she was desperate to chat,

‘Mum can we talk about the Sexctucation lesson today?’  she asked, looking very impish.
‘Yes of course we can, tell me all about it’
‘Well, we had to label pictures of men and women with no clothes on!’
‘Oh, so what did you put and where?’
‘Um, privates, privates and the B-word’ she said
‘What’s the B-word’
‘I can’t say’
‘Boobies?’
‘No’
‘Boobs?’
‘no’
‘Bazonkers??’
‘No.’ and a very hushed whisper in my ear…’Breasts’
‘Oh, okay, that’s very grown up.’  Phew I thought, thank god for that, I thought she was going to say bollocks.

So, we go through that part with barely a snigger but by now, I know she’s dying to tell me what really happened and we both start lip pursing to suppress a giggle.

‘Well done bunny, so (ha hum, ha, cough, cough) what did everyone else write on the pictures? That must have been quite funny.’
‘Yeah Mum it was, it was REALLY funny. Some people wrote bits, and fanny, and boobies and willy!,’ by now the laughter is really kicking in, ‘and…BOBS! Someone spelt boobs wrong, so they wrote bobs. BOBS INSTEAD OF BOOBIES, BOBS, HE SPELT IT WRONG!’
By that point we both start laughing like hyenas, and every time we stop, Miniminx shouts ‘BITS and BOBS, FANNY, BITS AND BOBS!!!’ and we’re off shrieking again.

So there you have it, a lesson she’ll never forget (neither will I) and now we call ‘it’ fanny, bits and bobs…

But of course, kids are very creative and Miniminx tells me on the way home yesterday that they’ve got a new thing in class, ‘Mum, we don’t say S-E-X anymore, it’s Seban Eats Xylophones.’

‘Who’s Seban?’
‘A boy in my class’

Poor kid I think…(!)

If that doesn’t get you laughing, I’ll give you £10 if you can watch this and keep a straight face

and a shamrock if this doesn’t work either

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